Okay I've done a lot of Blogthings lately, here's a post with some substance.
Recently I came home to find a new package of toilet paper. This is nothing out of the ordinary, toilet paper is a common household product. (We hope, otherwise there might be some serious dingleberry issues going on there!) So anyway, there was a new package of toilet paper. The package hadn't been opened yet, and the roll was empty, so me being the good citizen that I am, put a new roll on. However, when I took the roll out of the package, I noticed something... a scent.
I quickly checked to make sure I hadn't spilled some sort of air freshener. It was a familiar scent, kind of the fake berry type scent that you smell in a bathroom trying to be pretentious but is really skanky. Or maybe the scent that old ladies have in their cars - with the cherries hanging from their rear view mirrors. I'm not sure where the memory comes from, but it was definitely a familiar scent.
No air freshener was spilled. So where was this familiar yet annoying scent coming from, you ask? I looked everywhere. I couldn't find the culprit. I gave up.
I finished peeing, and went to grab my small amount of TP to wipe with, and noticed the scent again. It was really getting on my nerves, not knowing where it was coming from. Then, I saw the front of the package. "Winterberry Fresh"
WTF?!
Who the hell buys scented toilet paper? My mother apparently. She said it was on sale. WHY?! Maybe because other people don't want Winterberry Coochie. Or Winterberry Ass. It wasn't a hot seller. Maybe a different scent was hotter. Maybe Cinnamon Spice was the flavor of the month. Maybe Winterberry Fresh is last month's flavor, and it's on clearance. We are in the holiday season, maybe Evergreen Air is coming out next month and they had to make room on the scented shelves!
Whatever the reason it was on sale, it's disgusting. Every time I wipe myself now I smell Winterberries. And what the fuck is a Winterberry anyway? Aren't most berries Spring or Summer? If a berry comes out in the winter, isn't it a confused berry? These berries are the shortbus berries. The ones that don't quite make the cut. The ones that don't make it to Smuckers for jam! The reject berries! And now I'm wiping myself with them! What is wrong with this picture?!
I suppose there could be a positive spin to this. If you smell awful, now you'll smell awful but with Winterberry Fresh covering over the awful smell.
I bet it drives dogs nuts. They smell your crotch, and think that you're hiding a Pop-Tart there. They're thinking to themselves, "Hey this is the person to follow, she's got fruity cooch." It's like when a dog sees a little kid with a plate of food about to fall over - they know where to go for the goods!
Krystal thinks that Winterberries can't be good for her genitals. She thinks they will mutate. Maybe her pubes will change to Winterberry red, I don't know. Or maybe Winterberries aren't even red. Maybe they're blue. Who knows, because Winterberries are the reject berries! No one knows what they are except Charmin!!
Maybe the Charmin bears know what Winterberries are! Maybe it's top secret, and the bears only tell the Charmin people, so Quilted Northern is out of the loop. The bears have convinced Charmin it's the next big thing - people want their nether regions scented. Next we'll have coochie deodorant, in all of the colorful scents that Secret has to offer. They even have a glitter brand!
Think of the marketing possibilities!
Now, when we are eating dinner, or working on something, or watching TV - minding our own business - every time we hear the toilet flush we think of berries. (We = Krystal and I) We turn to each other and laugh so hard. My mother, my loving, sweet, Winterberry mother, just looks at us like we're crazy. That's okay, she doesn't need to know. Nothing wrong with a little Winterberry Wonderland I suppose, where everyone's genitals smell pretty and happy!
Okay I've thought way too much about this topic, my brain hurts, and this topic isn't even worth pain in the brain.
Goodnight, Happy Thursday!
Recently I came home to find a new package of toilet paper. This is nothing out of the ordinary, toilet paper is a common household product. (We hope, otherwise there might be some serious dingleberry issues going on there!) So anyway, there was a new package of toilet paper. The package hadn't been opened yet, and the roll was empty, so me being the good citizen that I am, put a new roll on. However, when I took the roll out of the package, I noticed something... a scent.
I quickly checked to make sure I hadn't spilled some sort of air freshener. It was a familiar scent, kind of the fake berry type scent that you smell in a bathroom trying to be pretentious but is really skanky. Or maybe the scent that old ladies have in their cars - with the cherries hanging from their rear view mirrors. I'm not sure where the memory comes from, but it was definitely a familiar scent.
No air freshener was spilled. So where was this familiar yet annoying scent coming from, you ask? I looked everywhere. I couldn't find the culprit. I gave up.
I finished peeing, and went to grab my small amount of TP to wipe with, and noticed the scent again. It was really getting on my nerves, not knowing where it was coming from. Then, I saw the front of the package. "Winterberry Fresh"
WTF?!
Who the hell buys scented toilet paper? My mother apparently. She said it was on sale. WHY?! Maybe because other people don't want Winterberry Coochie. Or Winterberry Ass. It wasn't a hot seller. Maybe a different scent was hotter. Maybe Cinnamon Spice was the flavor of the month. Maybe Winterberry Fresh is last month's flavor, and it's on clearance. We are in the holiday season, maybe Evergreen Air is coming out next month and they had to make room on the scented shelves!
Whatever the reason it was on sale, it's disgusting. Every time I wipe myself now I smell Winterberries. And what the fuck is a Winterberry anyway? Aren't most berries Spring or Summer? If a berry comes out in the winter, isn't it a confused berry? These berries are the shortbus berries. The ones that don't quite make the cut. The ones that don't make it to Smuckers for jam! The reject berries! And now I'm wiping myself with them! What is wrong with this picture?!
I suppose there could be a positive spin to this. If you smell awful, now you'll smell awful but with Winterberry Fresh covering over the awful smell.
I bet it drives dogs nuts. They smell your crotch, and think that you're hiding a Pop-Tart there. They're thinking to themselves, "Hey this is the person to follow, she's got fruity cooch." It's like when a dog sees a little kid with a plate of food about to fall over - they know where to go for the goods!
Krystal thinks that Winterberries can't be good for her genitals. She thinks they will mutate. Maybe her pubes will change to Winterberry red, I don't know. Or maybe Winterberries aren't even red. Maybe they're blue. Who knows, because Winterberries are the reject berries! No one knows what they are except Charmin!!
Maybe the Charmin bears know what Winterberries are! Maybe it's top secret, and the bears only tell the Charmin people, so Quilted Northern is out of the loop. The bears have convinced Charmin it's the next big thing - people want their nether regions scented. Next we'll have coochie deodorant, in all of the colorful scents that Secret has to offer. They even have a glitter brand!
Think of the marketing possibilities!
Now, when we are eating dinner, or working on something, or watching TV - minding our own business - every time we hear the toilet flush we think of berries. (We = Krystal and I) We turn to each other and laugh so hard. My mother, my loving, sweet, Winterberry mother, just looks at us like we're crazy. That's okay, she doesn't need to know. Nothing wrong with a little Winterberry Wonderland I suppose, where everyone's genitals smell pretty and happy!
Okay I've thought way too much about this topic, my brain hurts, and this topic isn't even worth pain in the brain.
Goodnight, Happy Thursday!
So if I walked around you and you smelled winterberry, would my ass odor be appealing or repulsive that you can smell what comming from my butt? (O:
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